I know my darkness

I was up early last week enjoying some hot coffee, catching up on emails and scrolling through the socials. We had been lucky enough to catch sight of the Northern Lights the night before, and I was enjoying seeing everyone's photos. Through my mindless scrolling I came upon this quote, "It's okay if you thought you were over it, but it hits you all over again. It's okay to fall apart even after you thought you had it under control. You are not weak. Healing is messy. There is no timeline for healing". It was so profound for me. So, I started writing. I was having trouble finding the right words and it was taking days to get the post together. I had a moment of clarity and started writing again. It felt like a piece had clicked into place. Then the page needed to be refreshed. I thought it was saved, but alas, it was gone when the page reloaded (Insert big sigh). So I started again. Sometimes things fall apart because they’re supposed to. A lesson within a lesson? I love it here.

The quote above had me thinking back on my own journey. Feeling something so deeply. Thinking about it every day for weeks, months even. Replaying it over and over. Invasive thoughts that nag you constantly and never seem to be silent. Until they do, and they fade out just as quickly as they appeared and you feel a sense of relief. Then out of nowhere, it roars again. But this time, you hear it differently because you choose that this is my space and only I will be the one in control of the thoughts that happen here. You place it where it belongs and know how to quiet it, soothe it. That’s the thing with deep, internal self-reflection….It pushes you to dive deeper. You need to take a good look at the role you play in your own suffering. And no one talks about that. It was a key piece in my healing. I know my darkness now. I’ve sat with it. I have felt its burning rage, and I will never deny it. I’m not ashamed or scared of it, because without it I wouldn’t know my light.

We all have two choices in any situation that happens in this life. We can let it control our mind, ultimately controlling our lives, or we can actively choose to learn and grow from it. The choice has always been yours. We just forget who we are. The punches you don't see coming can feel like the air has been sucked out of the room, leaving you utterly breathless. It is how we deal with these blows that define us. Who we are at our core.

Remember who you are <3